How To Learn To Be Better With Money When You Feel Embarrassed To Ask
A lot of people want to do better with money. Simply asking someone (even someone you know cares about you) for insight on how to improve your finances is a great way to kickstart a new approach to getting better with money, but many of us hold back because we’re embarrassed to reveal our less-than-desirable financial situation, lest we feel exposed.
That’s normal and it’s OK. But you can not only get better with money, but break free of this shame that will only deepen over time.
Here’s an expert-built roadmap to follow if you want to get better with money but don’t feel comfortable asking for help.
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Unpack Your History With Money
Is there a root reason you feel embarrassed to talk about money or ask for help? The answer is likely yes and it’s worth doing some self-discovery homework here.
“Before you even look at numbers, understand that your relationship with money is a blueprint often laid out by your parents, culture and early experiences,” said Jessica Perrone, founder of HerFinIQ and FinIQ Edu. “Take some quiet time to reflect on these ‘money scripts.’ What did you hear about money growing up? What beliefs did you absorb? Keeping a journal can be incredibly powerful here.This internal work is a game-changer for building financial confidence.”
Align With Where You’re at Financially
Part of what holds us back from improving our finances is giving into a false pressure to get all the answers right away and make it all better ASAP. Focus on getting a comprehensive picture of your financial situation first.
“Just start by looking at where your money is going and getting comfortable with it,” said Michael McAuliffe, CEO and president of Family Credit Management. “That alone is a big step. I like to tell people that if you don’t take control of your money, it will take control of you.”
Start Small With Healthy Habits
Next, focus on building healthy, small money habits that are realistic and not intimidating. Don’t aim for huge overhauls right now. You’ll only get more anxious.
“People think they need to make big changes, but small actions add up over time,” McAuliffe said. “One way we like to make this point: Would you rather have a $1,000 purse with $100 in it or a $100 purse with $1,000 in it? It’s about opportunity cost; once that dollar is spent, it can’t be used for anything else. Be mindful of your spending and make sure every dollar is doing exactly what you want it to do.”
Get Comfortable Asking Questions by Using AI
Use AI tools like ChatGPT not so much for money advice, but as a way to get comfortable asking questions. It will help you get comfortable with actual humans that have real-world experience.
“The more familiar things become, the less intimidating they feel,” McAuliffe said.
Get a Free Consultation With a Financial Professional
Many certified financial planners are happy to learn about your situation and suggest solutions without charging you. This can be such a help as they’re used to talking with people who feel embarrassed or overwhelmed. Plus, there are financial situations where you really need to bring in some top-shelf expertise.
“If you're dealing with ... major life transitions (inheritance, divorce, retirement) or simply want a clear plan, that's when a fee-only fiduciary advisor adds real value,” said Andrew Wang, managing partner at Runnymede Capital Management. “Many offer free initial consultations.”
If Nothing Else, Share Your Goals and Fears With Just 1 Person
Here’s a really fascinating thing about embarrassment. It usually loses its power when you surrender it to the world by talking about it with just one nonjudgemental person.
“Shame metabolizes through being witnessed,” said Josh Hamlet, tax attorney at Clarity Tax Counsel PLLC, who works with people in shame-heavy financial situations all the time. “It doesn't have to be a financial advisor — a friend, sibling or therapist can work."
This article was provided by MoneyLion.com for informational purposes only and should not be construed as financial, legal or tax advice.
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